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'Til All Are One - The Short Version

Fandom:  Transformers (G1 cartoon)
Rating:  R
Pairing:  Mirage/Starscream, implied others
Warnings:  Slash, robot smexxin', and complete and utter silliness :)

Summary:  This is a parody of my Transformers fic "'Til All Are One", so before you check it out, read the original here.  This version won't be funny without that background.  (Hopefully, it will be funny WITH that background, but I make no promises. :))


 

 

OPTIMUS PRIME:  Why, it’s my debonair, yet tortured, spy, Mirage.  How are you, Mirage?

MIRAGE:  Debonair, thank you!  And yet, kind of tortured.

OPTIMUS PRIME:  Mind if I say a bunch of stuff here to emphasise that you are totally alone in the world (except for me)?

MIRAGE: …Well, thanks.  Now I feel really tortured.

 

MIRAGE:  Gosh, I hope Starscream totally doesn’t suspect who I really am!
STARSCREAM:  [after staring at MIRAGE suspiciously for a looooong time]  I totally don’t suspect who you really are.

MIRAGE:  Well, thank Primus for that!

 

DECEPTICONS:  We love casual sex!  Wheeee!

MIRAGE:  I am disturbed, and yet strangely aroused.  And debonair!  Man, I’m so complex I can barely stand myself.

 

MEGATRON:  OMG my plan is the best plan ever!

STARSCREAM:  Is not!

MEGATRON:  Is too!

STARSCREAM:  Is not!

MEGATRON:  Is too!

STARSCREAM:  Is not!

MEGATRON:  Is too!

STARSCREAM:  Is not!

MEGATRON:  STFU OR I CUT YOU.

MIRAGE: … So, just to be clear, you two are totally doing it, yes?

 

STARSCREAM:  Hey, Thundercracker!  Let’s play that super-secret sex game that you totally know all about, because I play it with you all the time, Thundercracker!  Because you’re Thundercracker!

MIRAGE:  Yes, indeed!  I am Thundercracker, and I am absolutely not a debonair, yet tortured, Autobot spy!  And as Thundercracker, I am completely au fait with the super secret sexxin’.

STARSCREAM:  Yes, that’s what I thought.

MIRAGE:  Wow, that was a surprisingly good super-secret sex game.  Not that I didn’t totally know that going in, because I am Thundercracker!

STARSCREAM:  PSYCH!  You are not Thundercracker, but a debonair, yet tortured, Autobot spy!

MIRAGE:  oh crap.

STARSCREAM:  But, frankly, you make a much sexier Thundercracker than the real one.  Can I keep you?

MIRAGE: … no?

STARSCREAM:  Awww.  Still, one for the road?

[We interrupt your regularly scheduled broadcast to bring you this telepathic mechaporn.]

MIRAGE:  OMG YOU’RE SCREWING MEGATRON?
STARSCREAM:  OMG YOU’RE NOT SCREWING OPTIMUS PRIME?  I had twenty bucks riding on that!

MIRAGE: … We will never speak of this again.

STARSCREAM:  Agreed.

 

OPTIMUS PRIME:  Hello?

MIRAGE:  I’M TORTURED GODDAMMIT!

OPTIMUS PRIME:  Come home, and I’ll make you some soup.

MIRAGE:  *sniff*

 

- FIN -

 


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